The asthma monster and me....

I am not generally a sickly folk, but since getting the flu I have not felt like my energetic old self. The flu is gone, yes, but the presence of asthma still remains. Oh it’s always there, but it’s usually a peep at the back door, now it’s a monster I really want to slay!

It’s affecting my day to day life and getting in the way of all I want and need to do! It’s asking me to rearrange and reprioritise and I am challenged! Maybe there is a lesson in here....but it’s difficult to grasp when you are spending so much a gasp! It’s all about the breathing...and it’s a funny thing experiencing asthma, knowing that with each life breath in, you are enabling the almost impossible breath out, that twisting spasm of the body that tries to do its job and relieve you of the unwanted air, but which somehow falls short of this. I feel like a balloon about to pop, or rather a balloon who desperately wants to pop, but who cannot! Yes, it’s a monster I want desperately to slay.

And funny thing about it being about the breathing....many things in my life semi- on -hold are about the breathing......meditation, it’s all about the breathing, chanting, it’s all about the breath, singing, is so all about the breath....swimming ( I like to do laps in the ocean pool) is about breathing...and just living of course! I have great breath control, I have humungous (I believe ) lungs....I can hang onto a note for forever....I am in charge of my breath....meaning I am in charge of my life....but am I....yes a lesson for me. Its working its way to the surface, this lesson...perhaps another one about letting go of control, of trusting the flow...the flow of breath????? I am not quite there yet, with this lesson...but I am on the journey...albeit accompanied by a monster! And I am getting better, don’t get my whinging wrong...things are not too bad...as my breath and I find our companionship unburdened again (on all the levels) I will have grown some and this is good. (And there will be no slaying of course only taming and a mutual understanding between the monster and me...i am essentially a non- violent person, really!!)