Confusing things.....

Life is a confusing thing…birth is like arriving in a foreign country without knowledge of the language or customs….and to tell the truth I feel as if I can never come to terms with this…I still feel like an outsider, on the edge of my world, an observer who doesn’t get the rules and when she does, doesn’t understand the use of them…

I was taught that being over emotive was not the ‘done thing’….one did not raise one’s voice or get excited in public….asking me to behave thus is like asking the puppy to shut up when he sees and hears another dog in his vicinity. I know there are some who would ‘train’ a dog thus, but vocal chords were given for a reason and always telling a dog to shut up let alone a human seems cruel. On the other hand we are told not to ‘bottle’ things up…that this is bad for your health! So how to compromise….find a space at the bottom of the garden (poor you if you live in a close knit estate) on a deserted cliff face somewhere ( poor you again if the wind is up that day) or behind closed doors with the shower on full blast ( and poor you again if there is a water shortage) and let loose…scream, jump up and down and yell abuse at no-one…unleash the week’s worth of bottling ( honestly it might take me a complete day!) and then go back into your little world with a Mona Lisa smile and unruffled persona.

I was also taught not to boast about my personal accomplishments, to be humble in the face of success, to allow others a chance at the spot light, that winning was not all. Then again I was taught to strive always for my personal best no matter what activity I was engaged in and to never settle for less than I could achieve, which for all intents and purposes was obviously to win, come first etc. (This clearly was to be done on the quiet, when no-one was watching!) and in the end…..if I was humble and came second in class, or in a competition there was always ‘next time’ and the painful process of working out just why I did not win, ( which had to be something I did or did not do ) or if I was ‘lucky’ and came first, lauded by my peers and glowing in my 15 seconds of fame….I was reminded just how fortunate I was and what a chance or luck filled thing this was…( How come this was not a thing I did or did not do?)

We are told that freedom and liberty are to be valued above all else and then we are given a set of rules to live by; we are told that a strong work ethic is to be lauded but are then told to be there for our families more and to always have time for ourselves…( no wonder it has become important to increase our life spans, how can there ever be enough time for it all)…we are told to save for our old age and acquire assets that reflect our ‘success’ in the world, then we are told to support those worse off and be generous with our time and money, we are told that being greedy is a vice, but are also told that the capitalist way which applauds free trade and allows large companies to push little businesses out of contention is the proper way to go; we are told that human life is sacred and then we send our sons off to war …we are encouraged to think of the glass as always half full, but are warned to be prepared for when it is half empty…

So you see my problem…

I am not blaming my society, my community, my parents here….it is endemic in all of us and in all areas of life…we are just a confusing animal…because we dare to think I guess
I catch myself all day wondering about this, I tell the kids that in some cultures it is a sign of enjoyment and good manners to burp…but sorry guys, not here….I remind them that farting, cussing and other things my Mother does not know they do let alone are happy to do….are ok with me but not with the larger world thank you…it’s a behind closed doors thing!! I suggest that they should keep the peace at school by wearing ridiculously uncomfortable sports uniforms or shoes out the ark, even though, yes, I agree it will not really affect their learning….(and thank God I don’t have to wear that stuff any more!)

I guess we need rules, social mores, traditions , customs and other such regulators of behaviour in order to avoid total anarchy( because we are in essence animals, who will think of personal survival above all else if the old back is against the wall and who will clamber over walls to loot and pillage if these walls should crumble!)

Woody Allen has said, (and I believe it perfectly exploits this life dichotomy): “ I was thrown out of college for cheating on a metaphysics exam, I looked into the soul of another boy.”

On the other hand (there it is the ‘other hand’ again!) Ralph Waldo Emerson has said: "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do."

I still stand by the fact that it can be confusing though….and I still have trouble figuring out where exactly I belong….au revoir….um, see ya….fa soifua…..ayoo….adyos….salaam…