My world is fast becoming a slower, quieter more introspective one!! After a hectic Xmas period of more work, more friends, more family, more social activity and more parties, I am now faced with a few health issues that require a gently gently approach. I have been losing my voice on and off since winter when I had the celebrated flu and got attendant side effects of very bad asthma, pericarditis and pneumonia. I did not think too much of it as I was healing and feeling healthier again and I was charging into work mode more to catch up financially and get on top of things again. I was also busy helping my youngest daughter to raise funds for a challenge she had set herself to raise money for The Fred hollows Foundation. I apparently did not let the old voice rest much...let’s see....hard to do when what you ‘do’ is astrology and tarot readings which require hour long consultations full of speaking, and teaching meditation and chanting which is largely me again speaking and chanting for another hour many days of the week, and then of course for personal pleasure you sing in a lovely six piece group....it’s me expressed as me through my VOICE!!! So the result is NODULES....which apparently will only get better and maybe even go if I do not speak. So here I am not speaking on Doctors orders for 6 weeks!! ARGHHHHHHHH...this means no work AGAIN! I am not meant to have financial ease just yet obviously! But it’s necessary or the old voice may never be the same again, and I do not want an operation that may not help much either and may even make it worse. The options!
So it’s a quieter me, a more sober me....my eyes are still getting worse too, obviously, (I have Fuchs Dystrophy and am going blind) and there is definitely an operation needed there (cornea transplants) not too much later (which I am surprised to say are not covered by Medicare...Not life threatening is the reason apparently, so the govt would rather fund my disability than its cure?????) So here I am not able to make much money but soon needing quite a bit! This is the cause for a more sober me!!! I am quietly contemplating my plans and realising I am not the invincible young thing I once was!!
But in truth, I am still very aware of my gifts in the world...the beauty, peace and love that surrounds me. I am also so very aware of the suffering in the world every second of each day! I need to heal myself so that our retirement plan of working in aid overseas where there is a need can come to fruition.
I feel for my family, putting up with a squinting non-verbal Mum and wife. I carry my book and pen and glasses so I can see to write and communicate everywhere I go now!! I am a sight I think, leaning close into my paper, glasses slipping off my noise as I rapidly try to scrawl as fast I would normally speak...
The universe thinks I am in of Vipassana I guess.
Anyway this instalment is really one of communication with all those friends and loved ones that I cannot call up to explain my position! Please do not think me rude if I text more than phone and if I just do not keep up the discourse! I am saving myself for a later date, I am looking forward to all the things that I can say, teach, share, well into my latter years. Now I am just listening and learning...these two things with gratefulness, I can still easily do!
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