Hubby and I celebrated my half century by taking a little holiday together at Annuka Resort in Coffs Harbour.... I had given some foray of thought to parties and big dinners with laughing friends...but in the end I entered my half century in the throes of illness and feeling less than my usual bouncy and fun self! So I opted for a quiet restful reconnection with the man I love and some time to reflect on the milestone of walking this earth and entering into this life-story for no less than fifty years.
It was what I needed and I feel more rested and back on the road to health again. It’s an interesting wakeup call having pneumonia, asthma and pericarditis right on your fiftieth and then to see a place you feel heart connected to like Western Samoa ravished by earthquakes and a tsunami...well it makes you realise that every day needs to be appreciated and everyone one you share those days with needs to be hugged!!
If nothing else turning fifty has sharply hit me with a dose of my own mortality....and you know what they say, to really feel alive you need a little hint of death....
But enough of the serious talk...let’s take a look at being fifty (minus the unusual circumstances of being ill, which will eventually pass). What does it feel like to be half a century?? Well, there are the glasses I now need all the time and the inevitable increase in wrinkles which are helped along by my squint......there’s the absolute lack of ability to say the right things for a teenager even though I have studied the art four times....there’s menopause with incumbent hot flushes and lovely wobbly spare tyre....there’s the ability to blame the dog for my new roughage based diets flatulent moments and keep a straight face whilst doing so (and I believe, be believed!!).....there’s all my younger friends telling me I really don’t look fifty and smiling kindly....and all my older friends laughing at the importance I am giving this milestone and smiling knowingly.....there’s clunking bone noises at the gym ( my bone noises)....there’s teeth that look like (and feel like ..Ouch) they have chewed enough thankyou.....there’s the odd grey hair or two, although I do believe my hairs are silver.....there’s going to bed before 12pm because let’s face it I can’t sleep on the couch forever!!!...and shame o shame there’s the odd desire for an afternoon nap, (is this me??)...and on the plus side of it there is the wisdom gained from myriad experiences, (of course this wisdom can be a burden...one wishes to impart it to others and aforementioned teenagers in particular and one meets with a blanket rejection which of course one knows is exactly what one did when one was a teenager (and yes I do remember being a teenager) and then the greater wisdom gained is that your poor Mum went through this too...and no you cannot take it back)...there is the acceptance of self as self is and a sort of resigned love for self and all the attached imperfections, because what the heck, there’s not much time left to change it all anyway and there are more enticing things to do than fret about kilos and face cream...or is that litres and ice cream...and oh, when one does not want to engage one can always feign forgetfulness and get away with it....and best of all there is the undeniable freedom of no longer feeling the pressure to perform to anyone else’s standards, yes I can stroll down the street barefoot, wear bright colours indiscriminately, get a tattoo, and treat our puppy like a baby...ah the sweet smell of age...
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