Growing the self

It’s time to look back again and have a little review of some of my past.......but only in so much as it speaks of growth in the present (and not the sun freckles on my over tanned arms...or the wrinkles on my terraced face or the spare tyres on my menopausal waste kind of growths...they go without saying and do nothing for my inner wisdom, accept to teach me acceptance..) No, the kind of growth I am thinking of is all about the inner self...what goes on in my head actually and how I translate this into what goes on in my actions.

I have previously been an individual who tries to please...have I moved on from this...not entirely ( and I am glad about that) but I have realised that pleasing everyone all the time is not only impossible its generally not in everyone’s best interests anyway.....

I have previously been a spontaneous individual...acting on a whim...have I moved on entirely from this...no (and I am also glad about that...) but I have realised that sometimes a bit of planning does not go awry and sometimes it’s necessary to recognise one’s responsibilities in the process of being spontaneous...and that sometimes it can be helpful to pause a little first and take a breath....

I have previously been a selfless individual who cannot say no to any needy request and who puts everyone and everything (yes even the kitchen sink) first. Have I moved on from this.... (Again not entirely) but I have learnt that it’s important to consider oneself sometimes (and this is for everyone’s sake actually), that it’s not selfish to do good things for oneself, its imperative!

I have previously been a hot headed individual who springs into combative mode when threatened....have I moved on from this... (Only a little...I am still a tad feisty). I have however learnt that not all apparent threats are real and that often we act in defence of our own insecurities and not in defence of actual outside danger...

So have I changed...no not really, none of us do....we are still who we are as we grow older, only maybe we learn to be who we are better, we learn to balance the qualities we inherently display better, we learn to value all of who we are and use all of who we are more wisely..Because if we didn’t we would be going round in circles. We don’t change; we just hopefully add experience and wisdom to how we express who we are.....we keep our dreams but package them in more realistic boxes, we keep our flaws but turn them into talents, we keep our instincts but are more conscious of how we use them, if we lose or block the intrinsic essence of ourselves our journey loses its very important soul, we lose our very important passion....and we become bitter and cold and hard. So when we talk of personal growth thats exactly what we are talking about, don't ever let yourslef think that to grow means to change yourself, get rid of bits of yourself, it only means to grow yourself, grow what you already have....turn the seed into a beautiful flower.

It’s a wonderful thing to embrace the self, warts and all...and realise that like a good wine, with proper handling and care we can only get better with age. Wisdom is not some remarkably deep and hard to attain thing, it just knowing when to put oven gloves on, wear an apron, or take an umbrella. Its knowing when to speak up and make sure you are heard, and when to let things be and hold your peace, its knowing that you cannot always share what you know because each of us learns best through experience and many of us wouldn’t dream of learning any other way!! It’s knowing that in the end most things turn out ok and that in the end everything we are visited with in life is something that miraculously, we can handle.